Growing Up Can Be A Beautiful Thing
by slbsp-33
Summary: Santana has just left the school after talking to Brittany about being just best friends. This is what happens to them after their conversation.
1. Chapter 1

Santana found herself driving around Lima not wanting to go home. A few minutes ago she had left the high school after talking Brittany. Once again Brittany chose being with a guy over being with her. First it was Artie and now it's Sam. Santana couldn't get it out of her mind the way Brittany looked at her or rather the way she didn't look at her. During their talk it was like Brittany wasn't looking directly into her eyes but more like she was looking right through her. Brittany's beautiful blue eyes always sparkled when she looked into Santana's eyes but today the sparkle was gone. Brit told her to move on and be with people who were like her. What the hell did she mean by that? Was Brit trying to tell her that she wasn't really bisexual and that Santana was different because she was a lesbian? Santana was so confused right now on what to do with her life and more importantly what to do about Brittany. Could she really go back to being just best friends with her? When she thought about their friendship she couldn't remember when they were really just best friends. They had started their sweet lady kisses soon after they became friends and even though for most of their 'relationship' it was a secret, they were always more than just best friends.

Then there was that quick peck on the lips. What best friends kiss each other on the lips? Santana wanted the kiss to last longer but Brittany pulled away. Santana couldn't stop thinking about Brittany's eyes and how different they looked. They looked almost sad and depressed. The bubbly spirit was gone and it wasn't just when they were talking. Santana had noticed it when was back for Glease. Brittany just wasn't the same. Was Brittany depressed and did Santana do this her? Santana watched Brittany closely as she came into the choir room with the other Louisville cheerleaders. Brittany's mouth was open in shock that Santana was there. For a brief second Santana even thought Brittany might just walk out of the room. Not once during the song did Brittany seem into the music and Brittany was always moving to the beat of a song no matter what it was. Santana thought for sure Brittany would like the song. Hell even Sam looked like he was enjoying it for a minute.

Santana finally found herself pulling into the driveway of her parents' home. She knew what she needed to do when she walked in the house. She needed to tell her mother that she had dropped out of the school. She needed to tell her about Sue's job proposition to help out with the Cheerios. She needed to talk to her mother about possibly going to New York but more importantly she needed to talk to her mother about Brittany. Santana walked into the kitchen to find her mother sitting at the kitchen having tea with another woman.

Her mother looked at her with a big smile when she saw Santana walk into the kitchen, "Hi meja. How was the drive from Louisville?"

Santana walked over to where her mother was sitting and gave a hug. "It was ok. I'm actually kind of tired so I'm just going to go to my room and take a nap."

Santana's mother noticed that while her daughter had a smile on her face that there was something off about the tone of her voice. Santana was definitely upset about something. Her mother then remembered her guest. "I'm sorry Lois this is our daughter Santana. Santana this is Mrs. Parker she is here to discuss a fund raiser for the children's cancer wing at the hospital."

Santana smiled and shook the woman's hand. "I'm going to go take that nap now and let you two get back to your fund raiser planning."

Santana walked out of the kitchen and was about to walk up the stairs to her bedroom when she heard her mother's voice, "Santana, are you ok?"

Santana swallowed hard because she wasn't ok and was actually on the verge of tears. "I'm ok mami just a bit tired."

Santana's mother knew better but she also knew not to push Santana, "Ok, enjoy your nap."

Santana walked up the stairs to her bedroom and immediately plopped on the bed. She couldn't take it any longer the tears started to fall and she sobbed into her pillow. She had just settled down when her cell phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but decided to answer it anyway. "Yes, this is Santana. Oh, hi Senior Martinez."

A few minutes later Santana had finished the call with Senior Martinez, the super sexy Spanish teacher. She remembered how all of the girls in the high school would just stare at him in awe because of his hair, his teeth, his body, his tattoos, his everything. None of that changed even when everyone at school found out Senior David Martinez was gay. Not only was he gay but he had a partner and twin toddlers. Santana laid down on her bed to think. For the second time today she had been offered a job. Senior Martinez had heard that Sue had offered Santana a job helping out with the Cheerios. He had called Santana because he had recently received a grant to work with a group of elementary students teaching them all about Latin culture and of course teaching them a little Spanish too. He had been having a difficult time finding just the right person to help him out so when he found out from Sue that Santana had dropped out of the college he thought she would be perfect for the job. The pay wasn't great and it was only for a few hours a week and sometimes on Saturdays. He had remembered how passionate Santana was about making sure the students at McKinley experienced the Latin culture and not the stereotypes so many were used to seeing.

Santana couldn't help but may think it was fate drawing her back to Lima. I mean who gets two job offers in one day? She knew the jobs weren't permanent and that she still had a huge decision to make about her future but maybe taking the two jobs would give her time to really think things through. The only drawback of staying in Lima for a little while longer was Brittany. Santana didn't know if she could even be in the same town as Brittany. Plus Brittany was a Cheerio so she would see her when she was helping Sue out with the Cheerios. Santana felt a headache coming so she took some painkillers and before long she was asleep.

Santana found herself waking up suddenly when she thought she heard a noise. She listened but her room was completely silent. Her room was dark now and when she looked at the clock on her nightstand it read 7 PM. She had been asleep for 3 hours. Then she heard it, it was the sound her phone made when she got a text from Brittany. It's a duck quacking, what else would it be. Santana looked at her phone like it was a going to bite her at first but then she slowly picked her phone up and read the text from Brittany.

_"Do you want to join me at Breadstix?"_

Santana found herself getting angry. She had already told Brit she didn't want to join her and Trouty Mouth at Breadstix for British accent night or whatever the hell they were doing. She replied, _No thanks. You and Trouty have a good time."_

_"Please stop calling him Trouty and it's just me here. Sam had to cancel cause Mercedes had something urgent to talk to him about so they were going to Skype"_

Santana immediately wondered what was so important that Sam would blow off Brittany to stay at home and Skype with his ex-girlfriend. She wondered if Sam had blow off Brit before because of Mercedes. Santana was taking too long thinking so Brittany texted again.

_"If you don't want to come that's ok just say so!"_

Santana could tell there was an edge to Brittany's text. _"I'll come, I'll be there in about 15 minutes."_

_"I'll be waiting inside for you."_

Santana hurried and made herself look presentable. She had been crying so much she decided to just touch up her make up as best she could. When she went downstairs to tell her mother she was leaving she found a note that she had taken dinner to the hospital for her father. Santana wrote on the same note that she was going to be at Breadstix's with Brittany.

Santana pulled into the Breadstix parking lot and all of the sudden she began sobbing again. She had no control over it and it kind of scared her. After a few minutes, she heard her phone quack signaling a text from Brittany. _"Santana, if you don't want to see me just tell me! I'm waiting 5 more minutes and then I'm leaving!"_

After reading the text Santana broke down even more. Brittany had never spoken to her like that before. She didn't respond to the text, she just couldn't. After what seemed like an hour or more Santana had stopped crying and was now still sitting in her car with her head leaning on the steering wheel. It was then she heard the passenger door slam. She glanced over to see Brittany sitting there staring straight ahead. "You know what Santana I'm done with you. I don't know what is going on with you. I mean you dropped out of college. You bring the Louisville cheerleading squad here to sing a song that I don't even understand. I mean what is Nutbush? Sounds kind of kinky to me. Then you bribe someone to be your girlfriend. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Santana didn't answer because she couldn't answer. Just like the text message, Brittany had never spoken to her like this. "Ok , have it your way Santana just sit there with your fucking emotional walls up and shut me out. There used to be a time when I was the only one who could break those walls down but not anymore. I defended you to everyone all through high school because I knew deep down there was a good person inside you. The person you let me see but now I'm starting to think it was all just an act. You have this way of using people when you don't get what you want. I didn't break up with Artie when you told me you were in love with me so you used Sam and David. And now you used some random cheerleader chick to try and make me jealous. You use people Santana for your own pleasure or personal gain or whatever. And I don't even think you feel one bit sorry for doing it."

Brittany stopped talking and Santana still didn't say anything. Santana couldn't believe she was hearing these words come out of the mouth of the woman she loved with her whole soul. Brittany wasn't even crying it was like she had kept all of these feelings inside for a very long time. "I know I hurt you when I wouldn't break up with Artie and I have apologized for that many times. I never meant to hurt you but you hurt me too when you would broke up with me. You had promised me that we would be together forever even if we couldn't physically be together. Then you broke up with me out of the blue. Yes, it was hard for me not having you around every day and maybe I was depressed but you didn't even give me a chance to work through it, you just up and broke up with me. And then when you find out I'm dating Sam you went into bitchy Santana mode once again and tried playing games. I have just one question for you, why don't you think about how other people are feeling when you cut them down or play games with their lives? Something must have happened to make you like this."

Brittany was now breathing a little heavy because the more she talked the more emotional she got. "I mean sure you were always kind of bitchy but not in a hurtful way. Then after sophomore year, the summer you got your boob job you started being a first class bitch sometimes. I still don't get why you got the boob job or why your parents even let you do it. You are so beautiful just the way you are. Then when you were forced to come out and we were officially a couple I saw the sweet Santana again. Hell, you even became friends with Rachel. So I want you to tell me right now why you are such a bitch sometimes? There has to be a reason why."

Brittany waited for several minutes for Santana to respond but she still just sat there with her head leaning on the steering wheel. "You know what Santana, like I said I'm done with you. You won't even talk to me so I can only assume one thing, you never really loved me and it was all just a game to you. Just like everything else is a game and you are ok as long as you are winning but the minute you aren't winning you turn into this person who will hurt anyone to get what she wants. I really hope you find happiness one day Santana." Brittany opened the car door and was ready to get out when finally Santana spoke.

"I couldn't even protect my own flesh and blood." Santana's voice cracked. Brittany waited for Santana to say more but nothing she was met with silence.

"Santana, I have no idea what you are talking about it."

"I couldn't protect him or her. I guess I am Satan like everyone calls me."

Brittany was still confused and as much as she wanted to get out of the car something about the tone in Santana's voice told her she needed to stay. "San, you know I'm not the brightest color in the crayon box so you've got to tell me more."

"Finn, the night I slept with him I got pregnant. I didn't tell anyone I was so scared and then about 9 weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage. I felt like such a failure I couldn't even keep my own child safe. I was scared but at the same time I knew I wanted to keep it."

Brittany was in shock, how could she have not known that her best friend was suffering so much. "Why didn't you use protection? I mean you were the one who made me practice putting condoms on cucumbers and told me to always use protection so I didn't get pregnant or sick. Why didn't you follow your own advice?"

"I don't know. It was Finn's first time. I had never been a guy's first so I guess I thought I wouldn't get pregnant. Pretty stupid of me."

Brittany let out a sigh, "It's my fault. I was the one who told you to go after Finn. If I hadn't done that you wouldn't have had to suffer so much."

Santana finally looked at Brittany, "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I know to some people it may sound crazy that I was and still am sometimes upset about losing the baby. It's just that I did this to the baby, I should've protected him or her more. I should've quit Cheerios and not been jumping around so much. I should have quite Glee and stopped dancing so much. I wasn't fit to be a mother and I never will be. I can't believe my mother went through it three times. She had two miscarriages before I was born and then one after I was born. How did she handle it?"

"Maybe that's something you should ask her San. It's something she would understand if you told her about your miscarriage. Your mother may have suffered but your father and her kept trying and they got something pretty awesome out of it, you. Having you must help with the loss of the three babies."

"No, I can't tell my mother not now too much time has gone by and she will be mad that I didn't tell her when it happened. Besides, if I want to have a baby some day in the future it isn't going to happen."

"Why San?"

"Because it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant. When I first got to college I got sick. I had terrible pains in my side so my roommate took me to the ER. The doctor told me I had cysts on both of my ovaries and that when I have my period they flare up and that's why I was in so much pain. Remember Brittany how every month I would suffer so and you would lay in bed with ma and hold me. Anyway the doctor told me I should make an appointment with a gynecologist and get treatment for my cysts because they are just going to get worse and that because of them it would difficult for me to ever get pregnant. So you see when I got pregnant it was a once in a lifetime chance and blew it." Santana was now crying once again.

Brittany found tears coming to her eyes too. "Did you ever make an appointment to see a gynecologist? Does your mother know about the cysts?"

All Santana was "No".

"San you need to tell her. She's your mother you need her support. And one other thing, you aren't Satan and you did nothing wrong to cause your miscarriage. It happens sometimes. My mom had one so there are a lot women who would understand what you've been through. " Brittany reached over and touched Santana's arm and to her surprise Santana pulled it away.

"Don't touch me. After everything you have said tonight it's clear you don't want me to be a part of your life anymore, not even as your best friend. You said twice that you were done with me. So just leave."

"San, I'm not going to leave you after all of the stuff you have just told me. Let me be here for you. Please."

"No, Brittany you called me a bitch more than once. So in my best bitchy voice I am telling you to get the fuck out of my car right now."

Santana's words hurt Brittany as much as if she had plunged a knife into her heart. "I'm sorry about all of that it's just I've been keeping those feelings inside for so long. But I understand why you lashed out at people especially Finn. You were grieving Sweetie."

"Don't fuckin call me Sweetie. I'm not going to ask you again to get out of my car now."

Brittany did as Santana asked and got out of the car. She had barely shut the door when Santana started the car and quickly drove off.

When Santana got home her parents were already in bed which she was thankful for because she just wanted to forget about tonight. She changed for bed and then once again cried herself to sleep. Brittany on the other hand couldn't even cry herself to sleep. She felt bad for the things she had said to Santana but on the other hand if she hadn't said those things Santana would've never told her about the miscarriage and her physical problems. Deep down Brittany knew Santana could be a bitch and she really didn't like the way she used people sometimes but she understood what was going on in Santana's head a bit more now.

Not being able to sleep Brittany found herself outside of Santana's parents' house. Brittany still had a key. No one had asked her to give it back. She quietly unlocked the door and then she knew she had only a few seconds to turn the alarm off. When Santana's parents had gotten the alarm Brittany had set it off so many times because she couldn't remember the pass code that the police said they were going to get a court order to disconnect it. Once inside Brittany went to the alarm keypad and quickly punched in the six digit code. To her relief the alarm was now disarmed. She would never forget the code again because Santana had made it into a game, a 'sweet lady kisses' game plus more. Let's just say by the time Santana got through with Brittany that night she will still remember the pass code when she's 100 years old.

Brittany quietly walked up the stairs and opened Santana's bedroom door. The light from the full moon shown through Santana's windows and lit the room up. Brittany could see Santana all curled up in bed. She looked so small and so defeated it broke Brittany's heart. Brittany took off her sneakers and gently climbed into bed. Santana felt the movement and immediately cuddled up to Brittany but a moment later Santana's eyes flew open realizing someone was in bed with her. She knew it was Brittany because she could smell her shampoo. Santana sat up in bed. "Brit, you need to leave now and please give me your key back."

Brittany didn't move, "No."

"Come on Brit I'm not playing games. We aren't 12 years old. This is real life and the fun and games are over. So please leave and give me the key."

"No."

"Fine but I am not sleeping in the same bed as you so you can sleep on the floor."

"No."

Santana was getting angry as she laid back down and looked directly into Brittany's eyes. "You aren't going to sleep in my…." Santana couldn't finish the sentence because when she looked in Brittany's eyes the sparkle was back just a little. Brittany reached over and touched Santana's face. Santana put her hand over Brittany's. They hadn't touched like that in months. "San, I know this is real life now so no more treating it like a game ok?" Santana nodded her head 'Yes'.

Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana on the forehead. "Let's get some sleep it was a long day and night for both us. Tomorrow we can talk calmly about everything if that's want you want?"

Santana couldn't hardly find her voice so it came out very quietly, "Yeah, I want to."

"Good me too and San, I'm so sorry about the baby. You would have been great mother."

Hearing Brittany say those words made a feeling of emotional warmth flowed through Santana's body.

It wasn't long before they both fell asleep. There wasn't any cuddling but they slept as close as they could get to one another. Tomorrow could be the day that decides if they have a future together or not. It would be there first talk as adults.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Brittany woke up and looked over at a still sleeping Santana. She watched Santana for a few minutes and what she saw made her feel sad. She had spent countless minutes over the years watching Santana sleep but this time something was different. In the past Santana always had a peaceful look on her face, however, now she is scowling in her sleep so the little wrinkle has formed between her eye brows. Brittany couldn't help but feel she helped but that scowl on Santana's face. Brittany may have been hurt and upset still about Santana breaking up with but she had not right to talk to Santana the way she had last night. She could've got her point across to Santana with all of the profanity and personal attacks on Santana. It was just she was so angry at Santana. Brittany had never been so angry in whole life. She doesn't do anger well. Before getting out of bed Brittany couldn't help herself she lean over and place a very gentle kiss on Santana's forehead. It was so gentle her lips barely touch Santana's skin.

Brittany quietly left Santana's bedroom and walked downstairs to the kitchen. It was 8 AM and the house was quiet. Santana's father was probably at the hospital doing rounds and Santana's mother may still be sleeping or out running errands already. Brittany opened the cupboard door and took out a box of cereal, Fruit Loops. She stared for a moment at the writing on the box. In big letters written with a marker it said, 'Brit's Only'. Brittany traced the letters with her fingers. Santana always wrote that on the her cereal so no one else would eat it. She noticed it was a new box of cereal as she tried to remember the last time she had eaten breakfast with Santana. It was right before she left for Louisville.

"After Santana left for college I cleaned out the cupboard and threw away an opened box of your cereal because I thought it was probably getting stale. When Santana opened the cupboard when she was home for Thanksgiving and saw I had thrown it out she immediately went to the store to buy you a new box of cereal so it would be here the next time you ate breakfast with her." Brittany turned to face Santana's mother who had walked into the kitchen seeing Brittany with the box of cereal.

Brittany gave Maribel a weak smile but couldn't find any words to say.

Maribel walked over and pulled Brittany into a hug. "I've miss you. When you and Santana were in high school you practically lived here." Maribel pulled out of the hug but stayed close enough to look Brittany in the eyes. "How's Santana? I heard her crying last night and then later on when I went to check on her I saw you two were fast asleep. I knew something was bothering her yesterday but I didn't have time to talk to her then."

Brittany's voice was soft and cracked with emotion. "She's not doing very well and it's because of me." She couldn't hold back the tears any longer and started sobbing. Maribel once again hugged her.

Maribel motioned for Brittany to take a seat at the kitchen table. "Brittany, I know Santana hasn't been happy since she left for college. She told me that she broke up with you because you deserved someone who could be there for you every day. I asked if the break up was mutual and she said no. If this question is too personal you don't need to answer but I am curious to know, did you want to break up with Santana?"

Brittany shook her head. "I was shocked when she broke up with me. I have never even thought about us breaking up. It was difficult for both of us being away from each other but she didn't even give us a chance to figure it out or get used to a long distance relationship. I know I was feeling down and sad without her but in time I might have been able to learn how to handle it. Now everything is a mess and I don't even know if we can be friends anymore."

Maribel's heart broke to hear Brittany speak like this. "I know better than anyone how impulsive my daughter can be. She also thinks she needs to be the strong one for people she loves. She worries about their happiness and sabotages her own happiness sometimes."

"Last night I said some mean things to Santana and I don't think she will ever forgive me. I'm not sure I can ever forgive myself." Brittany was crying again.

Maribel reached out for Brittany's hand that was on the kitchen table. "I know Santana can be difficult sometimes. She is her own worst enemy. It scares her to express her feelings to other people. She's good at telling someone off but when it comes to real feelings Santana has a difficult time. Like with you, I'm positive she really didn't want to break up with you but for some reason she got in her head that it was the right thing to do for you because you were feeling sad and missing her. The one thing Santana would never do is let you know that she was feeling just as sad and miss you to. Please don't tell her what I am about to tell you. She called me one night after she had been at college for a couple weeks and I could tell she had been crying but I didn't ask what was wrong. We were talking about her classes when all of the sudden she broke down saying how much she missed you and it hurt so much to be away from you. The next week is when she broke up with you."

Brittany was still crying, "I won't tell her and I'm glad you told me that because I was beginning to feel that Santana hadn't really ever loved me at all and our relationship wasn't real to her."

"Brittany don't ever doubt Santana's love for you. Is that one of the mean things you said to her, that you thought maybe she never loved you and it wasn't real to her?" Brittany just nodded her head because no words would come out. "You and Santana need to spend time together and really express how both of you feel because you're young adults now your relationship isn't just a high school crush. So why don't I help you fixed a breakfast tray and you take it up to Santana's room and you two spend the day talking, crying, yelling, or whatever you need to do to express your true feelings."

Maribel and Brittany made up a breakfast tray with a bowl of Fruit Loops for Brittany and a bowl of Frosted Flakes for Santana along with coffee, orange juice, and toast. As Brittany was taking the tray to Santana's room Maribel stopped her briefly, "I'm going to be out most of the day. If you or Santana need me just call my cell. And one more thing that's just between you and me until Santana's tells me and her father, we know she dropped out of school. Everything will work out. I have faith in Santana."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Brittany walked up the stairs to Santana's bedroom. She stood outside the door taking a few deep breaths before opening the door. She knew waiting on the other side of the door was Santana and what the future would hold for them. Brittany struggled to open the door while holding the tray containing their breakfast but she eventually managed to get the door opened and then carefully pushed it open with her foot. As she walked into the room she glanced at the bed expecting to see Santana still asleep but what she saw was Santana sitting up in bed with her knees pulled to her chest.

Brittany laid the tray down on Santana's desk and then walked over the bed sitting on the edge of it. "Good morning."

Santana didn't answer right away but then in raspy, morning voice said, "When I woke up you were gone so I thought you had left me."

The tone in Santana's voice made Brittany feel sad because Santana sounded like a scared child. "I wouldn't leave you when we agreed before we fell asleep that we would talk today. I went downstairs to get us some breakfast. By the way thanks for making sure I had some Fruit Loops."

Santana briefly looked up at Brittany with a hint of a smile. "You're welcome."

"You know I love that toucan bird on the box. I have to hide my Fruit Loops in a box of Lucky Charms at my house because Lord Tubbington hisses at the toucan and then tears the box apart with his claws. I have been meaning to ask you if when you were in Louisville if you saw a cat that looked like Lord Tubbington. He was gone for two days and I looked for him at all of his usual hangouts like the mall and Arbys but couldn't find him. When he finally came home I found a Louisville Cardinal baseball cao in my room. I think he snuck off to find you because even though he hissed at you and gave you the evil eye he missed you too."

Santana couldn't help but chuckle a bit because she had missed Brittany's creative mind. It was a part of Brittany that Santana hoped would never change. She thought may times when it was difficult for Brittany to express her feeling she did so by telling Lord Tubbington stories. Like saying Lord Tubbington missed Santana too, which implied Brittany missed her. Also, Santana had given Brittany the baseball cap on her first visit home from Louisville. "No, I didn't happen to see a cat that looked like Tubbs in Louisville but then again Louisville is a big place."

After their playful banter there was silence for a few minutes. "Are you hungry San?"

"No, not really but you go ahead and eat since you went to all the trouble of getting it ready."

Brittany got off the bed and brought the tray over carefully sitting in the middle of the bed. "I know you are hungry because we didn't eat dinner last night. Look I got your fav Frosted Flakes. Your mom helped me get the tray ready." Brittany picked up her bowl of cereal and put some milk on it from the small pitcher on the tray.

"You saw my mom? Is she here now?"

Brittany chewed her cereal and took a drink of orange juice before answering. "Yes I saw you mom and no she isn't here. She said she would be out most of the running errands but if we needed her to call."

"Did you say anything else?"

Brittany wasn't sure why Santana would ask her If her mother had said anything else. "Um…she did say she was worried about you because she heard you crying last night after you got home. She said she came to check on you but that I was here and were asleep.'

"Oh…", was all Santana said. She then poured milk on her cereal and beginning eating it.

The two ate their breakfast in silence. When they had finished the cereal, toast, and juice Brittany poured them each a cup of coffee and put the tray back on the desk. Brittany sat down on the bed and took a sip of her coffee. "So are you ready to talk?"

Santana all of the sudden felt trapped and panicked. "We don't have to talk I'm sure you have plans today with Sam."

"No my only plans for today are talking to you. I'm not leaving here til we have talked everything out and know where we stand with one another."

"After last night I think we know where we stand with one another. You think I'm a bitch who plays games with people and uses them. And you think I never really loved you." Santana's voice broke with emotion while saying the last part.

Brittany knew she needed to apologize to Santana before they could even think about talking about other things. "San, I'm so sorry for the way I talked to you last night. I had no right to speak to you that way. I have just been so frustrated for so long that all of my feelings came out and I used the wrong words. I could've told you how I was feeling without swearing and attacking you. I'm so sorry please forgive me. I don't think you are bitch."

Santana knew that Brittany's apology was sincere and genuine. If Santana was honest with herself she knew that there was ring of truth to some of the things Brittany had said the night before. She did use people sometimes for her own personal gain without thinking about their feelings. And everyone knew she could be a bitch sometimes. But what broke her heart last night was to hear Brittany say those things to her. "It's ok Brit, I forgive you. You were right about some of things you said but there was one that you were totally wrong about…I truly loved you and our relationship was no game to me. It was the only real thing in my life."

Brittany and Santana both had tears running down their faces so Santana got up from the bed and got the box of tissues that was on her dresser. She sat the box on the bed as she sat back down. Brittany took a tissue and wiped her tears and nose. "Maybe we should call your mom and tell her to by more tissues I think we are going to need more than one box before the day is over."

Santana chuckled as she used a tissue to wipe her tears. "I'm sorry for everything."

Brittany knew this was Santana's way of trying to get the talk over because she wasn't comfortable talking about feelings but apologizing for everything wasn't going to be enough today. They needed to talk about everything. "If you truly loved me then why did you break up with me?"

Santana wasn't sure she was ready for all of the emotions this talk was going to bring out. "I thought it was best for you because you were so sad every time we talked or Skyped. When I came home and had to leave it killed me to see your sad face. I knew you needed to concentrate on your classes so you could graduate and I knew if you were sad and depressed you wouldn't do that. I did it for you so you could move on and be happy in your senior year."

Brittany rolled her eyes which Santana didn't see. "You did it for me but you never asked me what I wanted Santana. You just sat me down and sang a song about how I was the best thing that was ever yours and then you broke up with me. You never once asked me if I agreed with the break up and I was so shocked I couldn't find the words to tell you how I felt."

"Brit, I knew it was what would be best for you. I was only thinking of you."

"Stop saying that you were only thinking of me because if you were truly thinking of me you would've asked me how I felt and what I wanted to do about our struggle with having a long distance relationship. Because if you had asked what I wanted I would have told you I wanted us to stay together and try to work this out. It wasn't like we were the first couple ever to struggle with a long distance relationship. We weren't used to be a part, it was new to us. You didn't even give us time to find a way to make it work. We were in a relationship and our decision should have been made together not just you telling me it was better for us to breakup, unless you broke up with me because you didn't really want to be with me any longer."

Santana wasn't used to Brittany being so forceful in talking about her feelings. "Brit, you're right I'm sorry I should've talked to you about it before just announcing our unofficial breakup. But you have got to believe me when I say I didn't breakup with you because I didn't want to be with you. You are the only person I have ever wanted to be with you've got to believe me."

Brittany's voice now came out barely above of whisper and was laced with hurt, "So why did you breakup with me then, why did you leave me?"

Santana swallowed hard because she didn't like hearing how hurt Brittany was and it was her fault. "I guess I really don't have a good answer for that question. I just thought I was doing the right thing for you."

Brittany got off the bed and started to pace around the room, after a few minutes she stopped by the bed and faced Santana. "The day you broke up with me you crushed my heart and soul. You broke me. It hurt to even breathe. My biggest regret is that I didn't say you to 'no I don't accept you wanting to breakup with me and that we are going to stay together and work this out. I should've said that I am in this relationship forever and we are going to have rough times to get through and getting through those times will only made us stronger. I should've stopped you from breakup with me. I should've taken you in my arms and held onto until you realized you were wrong that it wasn't best that we breakup."

Brittany started pacing again while she cried and breathed heavily. Santana was scared because she had never seen Brittany like this before. She knew Brittany was on the verge of a panic attack because she had suffered from them herself. "Brit, please calm down. Take deep breaths and breathe slowly in and out." Brittany stopped pacing and followed Santana's instructions. After a few minutes she was breathing normally again.

It was like Brittany found new energy because she continued on taking. "You don't get it do you? I felt like you left me because I wasn't good enough for you. That you had gotten a taste of what life outside Lima was like and you realized if you stayed with me you would be just settling. I can't believe that you didn't think us breaking up would be devastating to me instead you thought us breaking up would allow me to go and be happy. How could I be happy without my soul mate in my life? You seemed to go through the whole breakup without feeling sad. You never asked me how I was doing or if I was ok. I asked you every time I sent a text or we talked on the phone. You always said you were doing good."

Santana was starting to feel angry now. She got up from the bed and stood directly in front of Brittany so they were face to face. "How can you stand there and say our breakup didn't make me sad. You weren't the only one who was devastated by it. The day I drove back to Louisville after our breakup I almost turned around about 50 times just to tell you it was a mistake and I still wanted us to be together. I have cried myself to sleep almost every night. I stopped eating and going to class. It hurt so to know that you weren't mine anymore and it had been my decision. We I came home to help with Grease I was so excited to see you again. I just wanted to tell you it was all a mistake but when I saw again I just couldn't do it. Don't ask me why I just couldn't. I also knew I couldn't let you see how upset and depressed I really was. Like the song says 'to cry in front of you would be the worst thing I could do.'"

The two still stood facing each other neither one walking away. "San, I don't understand why you couldn't tell me how you were feeling. I mean I thought you were accepting our breakup and were actually moving on. I was convinced you didn't want me anymore and that we would never be together again."

"Well you didn't feel too bad for too long because you started dating Sam."

"We aren't talking about Sam today. This is about us. The only thing I will say about Sam is that he saw how devastated I was and helped me. Yes we started dating but do you really think deep down inside I'm still not hurting from not being with you? You have seemed to have forgotten that Sam lost someone he loved too. Mercedes went to LA. You and I both know how much they loved and still do love each other. I love Sam but I'm not I love with him. And I know he feels the same way about me. We have been here to support each other."

Santana hadn't thought about Mercedes. She thought back to how hurt Sam was the day he walked out of the choir room when Mercedes sang I Will Always Love You. Santana sat back down on the bed and Brittany followed. "So we both agree our break up was a mistake, right? So where do we go from here?"

Brittany reached out and took Santana's hand in her hand. "Yes, we agree it was a mistake. And where we go from here is what we need to talk about next."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Brittany stood in front to the full length mirror in Santana's room combing out her wet hair. They decided they needed break after their emotional talk. Brittany took a shower first and now Santana was taking one. All the while Brittany stood there listening to the shower running she kept picturing in her mind the hot water running down the curves of Santana's body, especially her breast and perfect ass. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realized the shower had stopped running and Santana was standing there watching her.

Brittany's eyes finally meet Santana's as she saw Santana's reflection in the mirror. They stayed that way for a few minutes. "Um…I'm going to go get something to drink from the kitchen…can I get you anything?" They continued to look into each other eyes as Santana asked the question. Brittany finally broke the eye contact when she turned around to face Santana. "Water would be good. You know we don't have to stay up here in your room to talk. We can always go to the living room or out to the park." Santana thought for a few minutes, "No, I'd like to stay here in my room if it's ok with you?"

Brittany realized Santana wasn't really asking if it was ok with her if they stay in Santana's room. She was actually telling Brittany she felt more comfortable talking in her room. Brittany knew it was because deep down Santana felt safe in her room. "It's ok with me we can stay here. I love your room it holds so many memories."

Santana just nodded her head before taking their breakfast tray with her and heading down to the kitchen. She came back up a few minutes later with a couple of bottles of water and something that made Brittany smile when she saw it. Santana noticed Brittany's smile and it made her smile. "I thought you might like some chocolate pudding. I know it's not quite lunch time yet and it's not homemade pudding but I thought you might like it."

"Absolutely, but I think I wait a bit before I eat it."

Then there was that silence again. Both women were deep in thought about what they used to do with chocolate pudding. Both felt there body temperatures rising. To Brittany's surprise it was Santana who broke the silence bringing them both back to reality. "So where were we? We agreed that our breakup was mistake. Um…so I guess now we need to talk about what we are to each other. Are we just best friends, are we best friends and girlfriends, or are we um….." Santana's voice cracked with emotion.

Brittany wasn't quite sure what Santana was going to say next, "San, what's wrong? What's the third option for us?"

Santana, who was sitting on the bed with Brittany right beside her, couldn't look up. "Um…or are we nothing to each other but a memory?"

Brittany felt tears coming to eyes after hearing the third option but then she decided she wasn't going to cry. "No, that isn't even an option. We are never going to be just a memory to each other. Do you hear me Santana? That is never going to happen to us." Brittany's voice was confident and strong.

Santana looked up at Brittany, "I hear you loud and clear. I just thought I'd better put that option in if you would rather us just be a memory. I don't want that option either."

Brittany put her hand on Santana's leg. It was their real contact since they had started their talk. Santana hesitated but after a few moments put her hand on top of Brittany's. How had they gotten to this point where the touching that used to be so automatic and natural was now hesitant and unsure? Brittany turned her hand over was it was palm up and intertwined their fingers. It felt almost like it was the first time they had held hands like that.

Brittany waited to see if Santana was once again going to take the lead in conversation. She got her answer soon when Santana asked, "What do you in heart want us to be to each other?" Santana knew the question needed to asked but she was afraid of the answer.

Brittany rubbed Santana's hand with thumb. In a meek, soft voice she said, "I want us to be together forever as best friends, partners, and lovers. I don't ever want to experience what it's like being without you again. I know that mean that we won't be able to be together physically all the time in the same place but I know we can make it work Santana. What do you want us to be?"

Santana couldn't stop the tears that were running down her face. Brittany was worried they were sad tears. "I want that too." It was all Santana could get out before she complete broke down sobbing in Brittany's arms. Brittany held Santana until she calmed down. "I'm so sorry Brit. It's my fault we both have been through hell these past few months. It's my fault you started dating Sam. I was just so lost and confused. The real world sucks but what made it worse was not having you with me every day."

Brittany used her thumb to wipe Santana's tears away. "I know you're sorry for the whole break up thing and I forgive you. Like I said earlier I should've told you that I didn't want to break up with you. Let's put the break up in the past ok? I still think you should go to New York and try to live your dream."

Santana got up from the bed and walked over and looked out the window. "I don't want to go to New York at least not right now. I still am so confused and scared about what I really want to do with my life. I think I need to stay here and think things through and have a plan, maybe apply to NYU or NYADA. I want to do things right."

Brittany got up from the bed and walked over to Santana putting her arms around Santana's waist and resting her chin on Santana's shoulder. "If that's what you want to do I'll support it but what are you going to do if you stay here til you figure things out?"

"Well, Sue offered me a job to help the Cheerios and yesterday Senior Martinez called me and offered me a job helping out with a grant he got to help children understand the Latin culture and learn a bit of Spanish. I know neither job is full-time and I won't get rich but I can may make enough to find a small apartment here in Lima. Nothing fancy I know but a place of my own. I'm sure my parents would let me stay here but I feel like I need to be on my own."

"I think it would be awesome working with Senior Martinez but are you sure you want to help Sue with the Cheerios? You know how she can be and I'm sure she will pull into some drama with the Glee club. I just want you to be happy San."

Santana turned around she was facing Brittany. "I can handle Sue. Beside I know she was hard on us as Cheerios and she was horrible to the members of the Glee club. Deep down sometimes I think she actually does what she does to help us. Do you understand what I mean?"

Brittany nodded her head because she knew what Santana meant about Sue. After all they kept going back to Cheerios and Sue when they could've walked away for good. "Ok, so you're staying here for now." Brittany had a huge smile on her face.

Santana got a smile on her face too. Brittany started to close the distance between them but Santana pulled away. "Brit, as much I want to kiss you right now. I mean it's all I've thought about since we broke up but we can't. You need to talk to Trouty….I mean Sam first."

Brittany understood what Santana was saying and she actually very proud of Santana. The old Santana would've have just kissed her because after all it isn't cheating because the plumbing is different. Brittany knew their relationship was starting a new phase, a more adult phase. After all this wasn't high school anymore this was real life. And even though Brittany was still in high school she was older than the other seniors. She was a young adult. "I'll talk to Sam tonight. Santana, I know you probably won't like me bringing this up but I want us to be honest with each other at all times so I need to risk it. What about the miscarriage and the problems with your ovaries? I really think you should talk to your mom about it."

Santana walked away from Brittany and sat on the bed. "She will be so disappointed in me for getting pregnant and then not telling her."

Brittany sat down beside Santana, "You mom might be upset but it will be because you are her daughter and she wished she had known about it to be there for you. San, your mom is an awesome mom. You should tell and to be honest I'm worried about your health. You really should go see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis of what is wrong with your ovaries. Remember my aunt died when were juniors? She died from ovarian cancer because it was caught too late. San, I can't lose you I just got you back. Even if you don't tell your mom please promise me you'll make a doctor's appointment. I will go with you."

Santana was yet again crying. "Ok, I'll talk to my mom. I'm sorry about your aunt. I remember she died and you were said for quite awhile but you never told me why she died. I wish you had told me Brit. I think we've done quite a bit talking today. I'm glad we did. We need to remember to always talk and be honest with each other. You need to talk to Sam and I need to talk to my mom. I also need to tell my parents I've dropped out of the school. I'm not looking forward to that."

Brittany didn't tell Santana that her parents already knew she had dropped out of school. It wasn't her place. "San, you've got plan just tell them and I'm sure they'll understand. I'm glad we talked everything out. I'm going go now unless you want me to stay?"

Santana pulled Brittany into a hug. "I don't want you to go but I know you need to go so you can talk to Sam. Call me later ok?"

Santana walked Brittany to the front door and watched as Brittany got into her car and left. Santana sat down on the coach and took out her cell phone. "Hi Mom, I need to talk to you can you come home? No, Brit just left. Chinese sounds good. I'll see you a bit." Santana ended the call. She was emotionally exhausted but for the first time in months she felt something she hadn't felt in a long time, hope.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Santana's mother had gotten home and they were now sitting at the kitchen table eating Chinese food. Maribel could tell Santana was anxious about something so she decided to break the ice. "So you said you needed to talk to me. What's going on mija?"

Santana knew she needed to tell her mother about the miscarriage, her physical problems, quitting school, and about her wanting to stay in Lima so she can plan her future. A future she really wants to plan with Brittany. "Mom, I have a lot to talk to you about and to be honest I afraid of you will be disappointed in me."

"Santana, you know you can talk to me about anything. I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to support you in any way that I can."

Santana couldn't believe how hard it was for the words to come out of her mouth. She knew she needed to tell her mother everything. "Um…the first thing I need to talk to you about happened during my sophomore year of high school. I'm sure you'll be disappointed in me because I was disappointed in myself when it happened."

Maribel saw tears coming to Santana's eyes. "Sweetie, just tell me then we'll deal it."

Quickly Santana blurted it out, "I got pregnant and then had a miscarriage." She hung her head because she couldn't look at her mother. She then felt her mother's fingers under her chin lifting her head up.

Santana looked into her mother's eyes and saw tears. "Santana, why didn't you tell us?"

"I was scared to death. I know how you preached and preached to me about if I had sex to use protection. The one time I didn't I got pregnant. I knew I had to tell you eventually but before I could tell you I had a miscarriage."

"Did you go to the doctor?" Her mother's voice was laced with concern.

"I took a few home pregnancy tests so I knew I was pregnant. I didn't go to the doctor then but when I started bleeding so badly I drove myself to the hospital."

"Santana, I'm very confused right now. If you went to the hospital your father or I would've gotten a call because you were a minor. Your father works at the hospital after all. Plus we would've gotten a statement from the health insurance showing how much was billed to the health insurance. How come known of this happened if you went to the hospital?"

"I didn't go to the hospital in Lima. I went to the community hospital. I gave them a fake name and told them I didn't have any insurance. They gave me a bill before I left. I took the money out of my savings and paid it a few days later."

Now it made sense to Maribel. The community hospital was a few towns away from Lima and it was a dodgy place to say the least. It was amazing that the state even let the so called hospital stay open. But then again for the poorer people it was their only way to get health care. It didn't surprise her that even though they probably knew Santana was a minor that they didn't push it with her. "I'm sorry Santana I just need a minute to process everything you've just told me."

Santana sat at the kitchen table using her chopsticks to play with food. Her mother put the kettle on for tea. She didn't speak again to Santana until the water had boiled and she had poured them each a cup of tea and she had sat back down at the table.

"After the miscarriage were you ok physically? I can't imagine they took very good care of you at that hospital."

"I still bleed for a few days. The doctor did tell me if I didn't stop bleeding or got a fever to go back to the ER immediately."

Maribel signed, "Well, at least the doctor told you that but he should've done an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok and that you didn't need a D&C."

Santana knew her mother spoke from experience. "I was fine Mom. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you at the time. I was so scared."

"I bet you were scared. I was scared when I got pregnant and I was a grown woman who was trying to get pregnant. Can I ask who the father was and did he know you were pregnant? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Santana knew she might as tell her mother everything. "It was Finn and no I never told him. Quinn had just lied to him about her baby being his. It just seemed cruel for me to tell him about the baby."

Maribel reached across the table and took Santana's hand. "I wish you had felt you could've told me about all of this when it happened. That said I'm glad you found the strength to tell me now. To be honest I am disappointed in you for getting pregnant and then not tell me everything that happened. But we all make mistakes and I know how you seem to think most of the time you don't need anyone that you handle whatever life gives you on your own. I'm happy you are such a strong young woman but at the same time I want to feel you can come to me with anything. Ok?"

"Ok, I'm so sorry for disappointing you. I'll try to make it up to you somehow."

"Mija, you don't need to make it up to me. I am very proud of you just don't keep things from me again."

"Mom, there's one more thing I kept from you and this was more recent. When I first started college I started having severe pains in my side. My roommate took me to the ER. The doctor said the pain was from cysts on my ovaries. He also said because of it I would probably have a difficult time if I ever wanted to get pregnant."

Maribel couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't believe Santana had kept so much from her. "I probably already know the answer to this question but I'm still going to ask you. Did you make an appointment to see a gynecologist to get a proper diagnosis? At your age you should be going for a yearly checkup anyway and that's my fault for not pushing it with you. I remember I brought it up once last year and you said you could take care of yourself."

"No, I haven't gone to see a gynecologist. I was hoping maybe you could help me find a doctor and go with me."

"There are few choices, we can talk to your father when he gets home about which one he would recommend. I know I just told you I was disappointed in you for not telling me about the pregnancy and miscarriage so what I'm about to say might make me sound like a hypocrite. I don't think we need to tell your father about the pregnancy and miscarriage. Let's keep that between us."

"Are you sure Mom? I don't want Dad finding out later somehow and being angry with both us."

"Trust me on this Santana I know your father. Let's keep it between us. By the way did Brittany know when it was happening?"

"No, she didn't know til I told her last night. We had a long talk today about us and a lot of the other things. Mom, I know I've told you so many things already but there's one more big thing to tell you. I dropped out of the school a month ago."

Maribel kind of chuckled which confused Santana. "Your father and I already knew about that. I called your room one day. I had tried to get you several times on your cell phone and you didn't answer my text messages. So when I tried your room phone and your roommate told me you had dropped out. I then called the admissions office and they confirmed it. Again, Santana why didn't you just tell us? If you weren't happy there all you needed to do was tell us. We probably would've tried to convince you to at least finish the first semester but we would've listened to you."

"I'm sorry again. I promise that is the last big thing I've kept from you. I was just so miserable there. It wasn't the classes or even the university. I missed Brittany so much and I was afraid I was going to lose her while I was gone. I'm not saying college isn't for me. It's just that Louisville wasn't for me."

"So mija what are you going to do now?"

"Yesterday when I was at the high school Coach Sylvester cornered me because of course she knew I had dropped out of school from the cheerleading coach at Louisville. She offered me a job helping her get the Cheerios ready for the National Championship. It's not full-time job or anything but it will give me experience plus I'll earn a little money. Also, Senor Martinez, the Spanish teacher, called me yesterday when he found out I had dropped out of school. He received a grant to help young students become aware of Latin culture and teach them so basic Spanish. He offered me a part-time job to help with the grant. I know that neither of those jobs is permanent but I was thinking of taking both of them and staying here while I figure out what I really want to do. I may apply to NYU or NYADA or someplace totally different. "

"Well, mija it looks like you have really thought things through. Did the talk with Brittany this morning have anything to do with all of this?"

"Yeah, it did. She convinced that I needed to tell you about everything that had happened. And we agreed the biggest mistake we made was me breakup with her. We want to be together and be a family some day. We realize our relationship isn't a high school romance anymore it a real life romance and we need to act like adults. Brittany is going to talk to Sam because they have been dating."

You know Santana your father and I never understood why you broke up with Brittany but we didn't interfere because we know you need to learn life lessons the hard way sometimes. It sounds like you and Brittany are on the right track. And you know you can stay here for as long as you need to."

Santana was starting to feel better now that she had told her mother everything. "Well, about staying here. I was thinking about getting a small apartment of my own. I know I won't be making that much with the two part-time jobs and it won't be very fancy but I just feel I need to be on own. I hope that doesn't make you feel bad."

"Of course I would love to have you stay here but I understand about needing your own personal space. You are a young adult and need to do young adult things. Just remember we're here if you need us."

Santana got up from the table and walked over to give her mom a hug. "Thanks for you listening and not judging me. You don't know how much better I feel right now. I have been carrying around a lot of baggage for a long time. There is one other thing, I want to take half of the money you gave me and invest it for mine and Brittany's future. Do you think Dad will help me with that?"

Maribel just laughed, "You know he will but I warn you once he starts talking investments and portfolios you may wish you hadn't brought it up. If he hadn't become a doctor I know he would've become an investment banker or something."

When Santana's father came home from the hospital they ate dinner together. They discussed which gynecologist he would recommend for Santana to see. It would be embarrassing for most daughters to discuss such a topic with her father but not Santana because she was brought up as a doctor's daughter and was used to talking the human body. He was excited Santana wanted to invest half of the money. Her mother was right he acted like a kid in a candy store talking about the kinds of investments that would be best.

After dinner Santana went to her room to think some more. She would call Sue and Senor Martinez on Monday to let them know she would take their part-time jobs. She would also start looking for a small apartment. It was getting late and she hadn't heard from Brittany yet. Santana started to get worried that maybe Sam talked Brittany into thinking she was better off with him. Santana shook that thought from her head. She needed to learn to trust Brittany, especially after their talk this morning she knew they were meant to be together.

As if on cue Santana's phone started ringing and it was Brittany. "Hey Brit, I was just thinking about you."

"You were? Well to be honest I haven't stopped thinking about you since I left you earlier today."

"How did your talk with your mother go?"

"It went really well. She was upset I didn't tell her about the miscarriage and about me not feeling well but I think our talk brought us closer together. I told her about taking the part-time jobs and moving out. She was really supportive and when I talked to my father about it tonight at dinner. He was supportive too. My mom thinks its best we don't tell my father about the pregnancy and miscarriage."

"San, I'm glad your talk went well. Were they disappointed about you dropping out of the school?"

"I'm not sure if they were disappointed but I was shocked to find out they already knew about it. They were waiting for me to tell them."

"Before your mother left this morning she told me that they already knew you had dropped out and she made me promise to not tell you. I hope you're not mad at me for that."

Santana could tell Brittany was really worried she would be mad. "Brit, I'm not mad at you. I was the one who dropped out and didn't tell them. You were just doing what my mother asked you to do. Do I dare ask how your talk with Sam went?" There was silence for several moments and Santana felt the tears starting to prick her eyes. She knew it, Brittany couldn't breakup with Sam. She was at a loss for words.

Finally Brittany spoke, "He was upset of course at first but when we started talking we both agreed that we were using each other because we missed our soul mates. I hope this doesn't upset you but I told him that we can still hang out together sometimes. We are friends, San."

Santana let her tears fall, "I understand Brittany and I trust you completely. I guess Sam isn't such a bad guy to have as a friend. After all he has been looking out for you since I've been gone." Santana heard Brittany yawn. "I think someone's sleepy. You'd better get some rest Brit. It's been a long emotional day for all of us."

"I know and I'm exhausted but I don't want to say goodnight to you."

"Me neither Brit-Brit but we have to unfortunately. How about we do something together tomorrow? I need to start looking for an apartment and I have all of my stuff from school still packed in my car so I need to sort that out. We can just hang out or we can go out to dinner if you want."

"San, I just want to be with you. I'll be over in the morning and we will just do whatever ok?"

"Ok, I'm so glad we're back together. I know we can't just jump back into the way were but I'm glad we're together."

"Me too San. I have missed you so much. I have missed everything about you and I'm excited about us being together. It's like a new start, a new us."

"Yeah, It's a new start but there is one thing that won't change. I still want to get my sweet lady kisses on with you."

Brittany let out a breath. "I've missed your sweet lady kissed and the feeling of your soft lips on my body."

Santana felt herself getting hot. "Brit we'd better say goodnight or I just might have to run over there and show you how much I've missed you."

Brittany giggled, "I love you San. Goodnight."

"I love Brit. Goodnight and sweet dreams."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Brit don't leave me. I'm sorry. Don't leave. Please don't leave."

"Santana wake up you're having a bad dream. Please wake up Sweetie you're scaring me." Brittany sat on Santana's bed trying to get her to wake up. Brittany rubbed Santana's cheek with her index finger. "Please wake up."

Santana quickly sat up gasping for air. She acted disoriented like she didn't know what was going on or where she even was. Her eyes showed a mixture of sadness and fear. She turned to look at Brittany. In a quiet voice she said, "Brit am I still dreaming or are you really here?" Santana had tears running down her face.

"Baby, I really here." Brittany pulled Santana into a hug and Santana held on tightly. After a few minutes Santana calmed down. "Do you want to tell me what your bad dream was about? I mean I guess it was about me because you kept yelling for me to not leave."

Santana pulled away from Brittany's embrace, "I don't want to talk about it. Why are you here anyway?" Santana snapped at Brittany.

Brittany felt a pang of hurt in her heart when Santana asked her why she was there anyway. "Um….if you remember we were going to hang out today. I have been texting and calling you for two hours with no reply. I got scared so I came over to your house. Your mother said you were still sleeping and she let me in. When I came into your room you were talking in your sleep and I knew you were having a bad dream so I tried to carefully wake you up."

Santana realized she had snapped at Brittany and immediately felt sorry. "I'm sorry I'm still not quite awake of course I'm glad you're here. Sorry I didn't hear my phone. It's over on my desk. I guess I was in a very deep sleep. So what do you want to do today?"

Brittany thought for a moment, should just let the bad dream go or should she push it with Santana. After their talk yesterday they had agreed to be honest with each all of the time so she knew what she had to do. "San, please tell me about your dream. Remember we are starting a new relationship where we are honest with each other all of the time."

Santana didn't want to talk about her dream but she knew if she wanted their relationship to work in the real world she needed to be honest with Brittany. "I started having the same bad dream after I found out you were dating Sam. After I broke up with you I thought for sure we would get back together some day but then you started dating Sam and I thought I had really lost you forever. In my dream I see you walking away from me. You won't turn around and look at me you just keeping walking away from me. The odd part is you never disappear you just keep walking away from me. I can't believe I'm still having the dream after our talk yesterday. I'm sorry."

"San, you have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry you have had this bad dream. I know how bad dreams can seem so real some times. There is a good part to your bad dream. I think if I disappeared as I walked away from you that it would mean we weren't meant to be together but since I don't disappear as I walk away from you it means we are meant to be together. It means I could never completely walk away from you."

Santana hugged Brittany, "How do you do that? You can take a bad dream and make seem not so bad at all. I love you."

Santana's body stiffened up because it was the first time either one of them had said I love you in person in months. They ended their phone call that way last night but there is something different about saying it in person. You can see the emotions in the persons' body language and their eyes. She worried maybe it was too soon. Brittany put her mouth by Santana's ear, "I love you too."

Santana pulled away from Brittany just enough so she could look into eyes. She was nervous not because of what she might see in Brittany's but of what she might not see in her eyes. What would she do if she didn't see the love she always saw before? It would break Santana's heart into a million pieces and it had only just started to heal. Santana slowly opened her eyes to look into the piercing blue eyes and what she saw took her breath away. She definitely saw love in those eyes but it was so much stronger than remember it being in the past. The love in those eyes was pulling Santana towards Brittany.

Brittany found herself just as nervous. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to feel her lips on Santana's lips. She yearned to taste the taste that was uniquely Santana's lips. Yesterday she had tried to kiss Santana only to have Santana pull away from her because she was still dating Sam. Well, now she was no longer dating Sam so if she tried to kiss Santana today would she pull away again?

Santana and Brittany were so close to each other their noses we touching. They looked deep into each other's eyes like they had never done before. They both got smiles on their faces. Santana tilted her head and gently brushed her lips against Brittany's lips. The contact was soft but it still sent a jolt of emotion go through both their bodies. The kiss was gentle just their lips no tongues. It was like they were kissing for the first time. Their actual first kiss wasn't this gentle or loving. Their first kiss was rough and more out of a physical need than an emotional need. This kiss was so much more than that. When the needed to breathe they pulled apart just smiled while they looked into each other's eyes.

"So Brit what do you want to do today?"

Brittany wasn't upset that their kiss didn't go any further. She knew they needed to get to know each again and take it slow. When they were together before Santana wasn't into talking about her feelings but now she expressing her feelings so it was the beginning of the relationship Brittany always wished they could have together.

"I don't care what we do today as long it's together. You said something about taking your boxes from college out of your car. I can help with that."

The two women still were standing so close together their noses were almost touching. "Um…I got to thinking about that…if I'm going to get an apartment by myself then I should just leave my stuff packed up in my car. I don't that stuff right now in anyway so it can wait til I move into my apartment." Santana noticed Brittany suddenly had a sad look on her face. She frantically was trying to think what she had said or done that would suddenly made Brittany sad. "Brit, what's wrong? Did I do or say something wrong?" Brittany just shook her no. Santana reached up and ran her index finger along Brittany's check. "So why the sad face then?"

"I just thought when you would be moving into your first apartment it would be with me. It would be our first apartment. I'm sorry I know I'm just being silly. Just forget so you want to go the movies or something today then?"

Santana continued to run her finger along Brittany's cheek. "It isn't silly and I'm not going to forget it. I thought the same thing Brit that we would be moving into our first apartment together." The couple was quiet for a few minutes. "Um…Brit, would you want to move into the apartment with me?"

Brittany at first had a confused look on her face and then a little smile appeared. "San, I would love to but I'm still in high school."

"So what does that have to do it? I mean were both turned 19 recently and we are legally adults so no one can really stop us."

"I don't know what my parents would say about me moving In with you when I'm still in high school. Plus I don't have any money only the allowance I get and I'm quite sure if I move out my parents will stop giving me an allowance." Brittany was rambling.

Santana smiled, "It's ok. I've the money my mother gave me plus I'll be getting paid for my two part-time job helping Coach Sylvester and Senor Martinez. We won't be able to afford a very expensive apartment and it might not be as nice as living at home but it would our first home together."

Brittany couldn't help herself she just had to kiss Santana again. The kiss was still gentle but with more passion. "San, there's one other thing. What about what other people will say? I mean I know people here in Lima are closed minded. I don't want you feeling uncomfortable."

"Don't worry I'll be fine plus I've come a long way from my days of hiding my true self. All I know is I want to be with you. Think about it and we can talk to our parents about it together ok? I mean I haven't even looked at what apartments are available in the area. Like I said just think about it."

Brittany pulled Santana into a hug. "I'm so glad you are here and I promise after I graduate we can leave Lima. We'll work out together where we are going and what were are going to do. How about we spend the day watching movies and searching online for apartments to see what's out there?"

Santana couldn't believe how easy it was for her and Brittany to discuss everything. She had never been one for discussing anything in the past but now it was different. She was sure they would have disagreements because all couples do but for the first time Santana was starting to believe they could survive anything.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Santana and Brittany were laying on their stomachs on Santana's bed hovering over the laptop. "I give up Brit we'll never find an apartment. All of the ones we've looked at online are either too expensive or the ones that aren't expensive are in a bad part of town. I want us to live somewhere safe."

Brittany knew Santana was getting frustrated since they had been looking at the apartment listing for over 2 hours. She reached over and started rubbing Santana's back to try and calm her down. "San, maybe it's best if we both live at home until after I graduate and we can decide what we are doing after that. It's only 6 months. Besides I don't want you spending your money on an apartment that is too expensive."

"No, I want us to live together in our first apartment. We are young adults and need to be out on our own. I want your face to be the first thing I see the morning when I wake and the last thing I see at night before I go sleep. Beside you know how our parents are with their damn open door policies. When we get to the point where we want to you know be intimate again we won't be able to living at home."

Brittany chuckled at how whiny Santana's voice was as she talked. She was the only one who ever got to see the whiny Santana Lopez. "I know it isn't what we want but we can always go away for the weekend and spend the whole time being intimate as you put it." Brittany couldn't help but giggle about the intimate part because it was so not like Santana to use such a word.

Santana heard Brittany giggle and looked away from the laptop. "Are you making fun of me?"

"I would never make fun of you San." Brittany giggled again.

Suddenly Santana flipped Brittany over on her back and started tickling her until Brittany was begging her to stop. "Are you going to make fun of me again?" Brittany shook her head. Santana finally stopped tickling her.

"Um...San when do you think you will want to start being intimate again?" Brittany couldn't help but giggle again.

"Aren't you quite the comedian. I thought being intimate sounded more adult than getting our sweet lady kisses on."

"Actually I prefer getting our sweet lady kisses on over being intimate because I'm not quite sure what all goes with being intimate. I do however know exactly what goes with getting our sweet lady kisses on."

Brittany gave Santana a seductive wink that totally made Santana blush. This was the part of their relationship that they both missed the most. The way they communicated with one another. Sure the sex was always mind blowing but there was so much more to their relationship.

They finally gave up looking for an apartment although they hadn't given up on the idea of living together just yet. They knew it would be difficult to find an apartment they could afford that didn't require a one year lease and they had no intentions of staying in Lima for another whole year.

Since the apartment hunting wasn't going so well they decided to just relax the rest of the day by watching movies, however, Santana was disappointed to find there was no junk food in the house. Her mother and her damn health foods. So before settling in to watch the movies Santana and Brittany went to the corner store to buy some junk food. After they picked out some chips, soda, and ice cream they stood in the checkout line. "San, have you ever played the lottery?"

"No, my father always says playing the lottery is a waste of money but I know my mom has played a few times when the jackpot gets really high. I think the most she ever won is $100."

"I want to play but I don't know how will you help me figure it out?' Brittany had been reading a brochure she took from the lottery ticket materials that were by the checkout.

"Brit, its a waste of money. Why do you want to play?"

"Because the sign says the jackpot is $300 million. You need to pick 6 numbers and I know exactly what six numbers I want to use. Please San it's only $3 for ticket."

Santana knew she wasn't going to win this discussion especially since Brittany was now pouting at her. "Ok, just one ticket though no more."

Santana got the lottery entry card for Brittany. Ok you need to pick 5 numbers between 1-59 and then you need to pick another number between 1-35. The last one is different because that is magic red ball number." Santana watched as Brittany used a pencil to color in the numbers. She wasn't kidding she knew exactly what numbers she wanted to play."

"All done San now what do I do?"

"Give the cashier your entry card and she will run it through the computer and then a lottery ticket prints out with your numbers on it. It says here the next drawing of the numbers is at 11 PM tonight. After the numbers are drawn you check to see if any match your numbers. The amount you win depends on how many of your numbers match the numbers that are drawn tonight. But like I said the odds of winning are very low so please don't get your hopes up Brit."

The cashier handed Brittany her lottery ticket. "I need to keep this some place safe so I'll remember where I put it." Brittany reached over to Santana and started to put the lottery ticket down in her bra.

"Britt what the hell are you doing?" Santana looked at the cashier and the other people waiting in line. She was totally embarrassed.

"I'm putting my lottery ticket tin he safest place I know where I won't lose it and I'll remember where I put it, that place is in your bra."

Santana let Brittany put the lottery ticket down her shirt and secured tightly in her bra. What else was she going to do? She quickly paid for the junk food and walked out of the store with Brittany right behind her with a huge smile on her face.

They spend the afternoon and evening watching movies. It had been so long since they had a movie day like that and they both truly had missed it. They of course cuddled and shared sweet, gentle, loving kisses. It was like they were dating for the first time and neither minded it at all. Although they both missed the feeling of touching and kissing each other bodies they knew that would happen in time. Now just wasn't the time.

It got to be 9 PM and Brittany decided she'd better go home. Santana walked her to the front door. " I had a great time day San just being with you. I really missed you."

"I had a great time too Brit. I missed you so much." Santana leaned in and kissed Brittany. This kiss had more passion and desire than the other kisses they shared during the day. "I love you Brit."

"I love you too Santana. I'd better go or I might not be able to if we kiss again. Besides you've got a big day tomorrow, you've got to talk to Coach Sylvester and Senor Martinez about your part-time jobs."

Santana leaned and kissed Brittany quickly. "You had better go or I won't let you go. You're right tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me. Night Brit."

"Night San." Santana watched as Brittany started walking to her car but then suddenly she turned around and head back to the house.

"Brit, I can't handle another kiss good night. I told you I won't be able to..."

Santana stopped talking when Brittany reached into her shirt and felt around in her bra til she found the lottery ticket and pulled it out. "Told you I wouldn't forget where I put my lottery ticket. Night San."

Santana watched Brittany get into her car and drive away. As she closed the front door, her breathing was a bit rapid. Brittany had no idea what her feeling around in Santana's bra had done to Santana. Santana ran up the stair and immediately took a cold shower.

It was 11:30 PM and Santana had just started to drift off to sleep when she heard her cell phone going off playing 'Songbird'. "Brit?" It was all Santana could manage to say still half asleep.

"You sound sleepy San. Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry if I did. I just had to call and tell you that were right about the lottery. I went online to check the numbers and I didn't win."

Santana sat up in bed waking up a bit more. "Sorry Brit I hate to say I told you so but I did tell you the odds of winning the lottery are very low. Did you get any numbers right?"

"Yeah, my 5 white ball numbers matched what the numbers drawn tonight but not the special red ball number. You'd better get back to sleep."

Santana was trying to process what Brittany had just said. "Brittany, are you saying the 5 white ball numbers you picked matched the 5 white ball numbers that were drawn tonight?"

"Yes, it sucks I missed it by one cause I didn't match the red ball. It doesn't surprise me because the number the chose for the red ball isn't a happy number for me."

"Um...what did you do with your ticket? Please tell me you didn't throw the ticket away." Santana's heart was racing and she needed to see that lottery ticket.

"No I didn't throw it away yet but I'm going to right now."

Santana stood up and shouted in the phone, "NO DON"T THROW IT AWAY. I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR HOUSE. I'LL BE THERE IN LIKE 10 MINUTES. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THAT TICKET."

Brittany had no idea why Santana was shouting at her about not throwing the ticket away. She waited by the front door and let Santana in the house. Santana didn't even say anything she just ran up the stairs to Brittany's bedroom. "Where's the ticket?"

"It's on my desk but I don't see what the big deal is I didn't win."

Santana sat at Brittany's desk she picked up the ticket and immediately went to the lottery website to check the numbers that had been drawn earlier that night. Santana read the what was on the screen intently. She kept matching the numbers up over and over. Then she finally went to another page on the website. "Holy shit."

Brittany had been standing there watching Santana wondering what was going on. "What's wrong San?"

Santana turned and pulled Brittany down on her lap. She pointed to the screen. "You are right you got the 5 white ball numbers right but not the red ball number. You do know you can still win money with a lottery ticket without having all of your numbers match those that are drawn don't you? (Brittany shook head. Santana could tell she was confused.) Look at your laptop screen. It shows right here if your 5 white ball number match what was drawn you win one million dollars. Brit, you just won a million dollars!"

Brittany looked shocked. "You mean I'm a millionaire?"

"Yes you are a millionaire. You actually won money from the lottery!"

Santana and Brittany got up ad started jumping up and down in their excitement. "Ssshhh, we need to be quiet or we'll wake my parents up. What do I do now? Do I get to get one of those giant cardboard checks like I see people getting on TV. I'm not sure my bank will accept a check that large."

Santana sat down and studied the computer screen again. "You will need to go to Columbus to the main lottery office and give them your ticket. Then you will get your money."

Brittany was so excited she had tears running down her eyes. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. Can you stay with me? Please."

"Of course I will Brit. I don't think I'll be able to sleep either. I'm so happy for you. This couldn't have happened to a better person."

Brittany sat down on Santana's lap and put her arms around her neck. "It didn't just happen to me. It happened to us. It's our money not just mine."

Santana shook her head, "No Brit, it's your money not mine. You bought the ticket with your own money. Even though we are together and I hope we are together forever. It's still your money not mine."

"San, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have won. The numbers I chose were all because of you, because of us. My first number was 15 because that's how old we were when we shared our first kiss, my second number was 16 because that's how old we were when we had sex, for the first time. my third number was 30 because the first time you told me you loved me as more than a friend was on March 30th, my fourth number was 23 because we made love for the first time on April 23rd, my fifth number was 50 because I know that's your lucky number. So you see I wouldn't have won if it weren't for you because all of these numbers have something to do you being my life."

Santana gently kissed Brittany. "What about the number you chose for the red ball? Did that number have to do with me too? If it did it wasn't a very lucky one."

Brittany looked away from Santana. "The red ball number I chose was 4 because you broke up with me on October 4th. It's a sad number for me that's why I didn't include it in the white ball numbers. I had to use because whether we like it or not that date is a part of us, a part of our history."

Santana was speechless. Even though they were working on getting past all of that it still hurt Santana to see the sadness in Brittany's eyes when she spoke about the day she broke up with her. Santana made a motion to stand up so Brittany got off her lap. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Brit. I'm really happy for you winning the money." Santana started walking towards Brittany's bedroom door.

"Where do you think you're going? I thought you were going to stay with me tonight?" Brittany wondered what had changed Santana's mind.

"I think it's best I go home. I know I've told you this many times already but I really am sorry I broke up with you and ruined what we had together." Santana felt tears coming to eyes and she knew she needed to get out of Brittany's room quickly. As she started to leave she felt two arms come around her waist from the back.

"You aren't going anywhere but to bed with me. If we are going to make our relationship stronger you can't run away from me or your feelings anymore. Yes, October 4th is a sad day for me, for both of us, but we haven gotten past it. I forgive you for breaking up with me now it's time for you to forgive yourself so we can move on." Brittany kissed the back of Santana's neck while pulling her back into the room. "Let' go to bed San. We got to drive to Columbus tomorrow to claim our prize money."


End file.
